Never underestimate the power of a hissy fit.

I read this once on a magnet and immediately laughed at the resonating truth. I feel that.

Yesterday, for the first time in a while, I had a hissy fit.

The specifics are probably irrelevant. It was just one of those mornings where the everyday drudgery became that much more… well, drudge-y. And everything I tried to do was thwarted. At times like these I usually blame the faeries, but they don’t take kindly to being blamed for things, so I kept that to myself.

Instead, I kept trying. And then again. Tried something different… (to the same end). And again. And again. And then… I HAD IT.

I yelled out in frustration, stomping on the floor and flailing my arms about as my yell sputtered out to a childish whine. My inner 2-year old was impressed.

Then, having breathed out all that air in forceful noises and having let my frustration bubble over, heedless of the lid I try to keep on the unfiltered raw truth of myself, I felt like I could go on. I let go of all that wasn’t working and plodded forth to do what had to be done.

(In that specific moment it might have been a big pile of dishes, but that’s beside the point.)

Here I want to talk about anger and apathy and sadness, the emotions that helped me navigate the frustration that filled my morning.

Understanding Emotions

First I have to let you know that I’ve been dealing with a health issue lately that, among other things, has been a big energy drain. So I’ve been coping along with the gifts of my situational depression, taking things easy, and having a lot of patience with myself.

There are always so many things that I want and need to do that are important to me. Anger, being the inner champion of my values, helps me set boundaries around my time and choose which things I will spend that most precious of resources on. Anger helps fuel my determination, but when I’m running up against the limits of my physical condition, something’s got to give. Enter apathy.

Apathy is an amazingly underrated emotion. Just ask a teenager! They’ll probably just roll their eyes and say, “whatever,” but that’s a beautiful demonstration of apathy in action. When a person does not have the power or capacity to set the boundaries they want to (or need to), apathy steps up in a quiet and protective way. With apathy, we don’t actually stop caring, but we stop feeling that care so intensely that it disrupts our ability to function in our lives.

So depression and apathy have been my two biggest emotional allies for a while. But lately, I’ve been feeling a bit better and have been trying to slowly add things back into my day. It’s been an erratic process as the return of energy has not been linear, but my emotions have been helping me along the way.

Boundaries and Values

A Secret to Confidence

There is a purpose to anger that often gets overlooked; it helps give us confidence and stand strong in ourselves. Anger has big “you got this” energy. It is the emotion that does this the most for me.

Emotionally speaking, what happened during my hissy fit is that my anger saw values of mine that were being disregarded or pushed aside. My anger has been watching this for a while, but because of my health these things could not be addressed.

But now the situation was different, and my anger needed me to notice. So it came, and intensely. And in that moment as my anger and apathy collided, my boundaries were re-declared. The intensity of my spirit re-ignited, and my values and priorities were re-aligned. Then in that space, within my boundary, I was able to welcome in my sadness, which gives me the power to let go. So I was able to let go of all the things that weren’t working and allow in some new energy in a restorative and helpful way.

Going with the Flow

Sometimes we get stuck in relationship with something, where it is hard or tedious or loathsome. And yet, if it’s something we have to do (for whatever reason) our emotions will rise up to support us in all sorts of ways. Apathy often comes in here, with its big “whatever” energy, and if we throw depression into this mix, sometimes we won’t notice when it’s time for things to shift again. This is what happened with me. Hence, the hissy fit. I needed my anger to get intense to break me out of the sort of tunnel vision that I fell into because of my health issue.

All this isn’t to say that now I’ll be able to power on forever, no looking back. That’s not how this works. That’s not how anything works! My energy will wax and wane, life will continue presenting challenges and reprieves, and I will ever be called to respond. And I’ve learned that the key to responding in a way that works best for me is to welcome and work with my emotions. ALL of my emotions.

Emotions are always working to serve us. The complex way they sometimes interact can be confusing to understand and make sense of. It’s only when we start listening to them, learning their messages, learning the why of their presence, and using the gifts and energy they bring us, that we can begin to realize what powerful friends they can be.

Anyone can do this. Start small by simply noticing and naming, as specifically as you can. Then you can start to ask each emotion’s questions when they arise to begin a conversation. I encourage you to try. There is so much untapped wisdom waiting for you.

Keep this in mind the next time you feel a hissy fit coming on.