My new mantra has become “time has no meaning” because I really feel that way lately. It’s not that I don’t feel time anymore, it’s just that it’s changed… It’s like the structure of time has been rearranged. Nowadays, what was fast goes slow, vice-versa, and things seem mixed and flipped. That’s the best way I can describe it. I know I’m not alone in this – haven’t you felt this a bit?
The obvious signs are: forgetting what day it is, losing track of the hour, and even forgetting about appointments and things altogether. On the surface, considering how most of us have completely changed our routines, these things make sense. Even though we have clocks and calendars, a lot of our days are structured by daily external commitments like school, work, chores, and even t.v. programs. When these go, we’re left alone with all of these hours that are now free for the filling – or not.
But I sense a deeper reason for this shift in time, as well – a call for reckoning. As the busyness of normal life fell away, it created space in our lives for old, forgotten, or ignored things to bubble up into our consciousness. In some ways, this has been wonderful – unfinished (or unstarted!) projects could finally be completed, new hobbies could finally be explored, old passions reignited. In other ways, this has brought some challenges. Old wounds or losses may step up to be addressed, realizations thus far hidden may finally surface, and we are left mostly alone with our thoughts and our emotions. And if you’re familiar with DEI, you know – emotions have a lot to say.
A common emotion that is coming up for people right now is confusion. This is probably one of the most under-appreciated emotions. Most people just see it as a nuisance to be brushed aside, repressed, and dispelled. But as with all emotions, confusion has an important role in our psyche. It has wisdom and gifts for us, if only we learn to listen.
Confusion is part of the Fear Family of emotions which all have to do with instincts and orienting to our world to keep us safe. It often arises when there is too much input and/or when there is not enough understanding about a situation. Confusion is like a fog spray from our psyche to slow us down and give us a time-out. If we learn to listen to our confusion it can help us avoid mistakes and help us find inspiration and focus again. Tino Plank, R.N. has a saying, “intention ends all abiguity and abiguity ends all intention.” When confusion arises, it is time to check in with our intentions.
It is for this reason I sense a call to reckoning. As our normal, chaotic, and high-pressured society slowed and in some cases stopped in response to the pandemic, there is an inevitable moment to re-assess. What are our intentions? What are our priorities? Do we want to return to an existence with such a high level of stress, pollution, and status quo? Or is this our opportunity to change for the better?
From the Ancient Greeks, we were given two different notions of time: Chronos, which is the linear, “clock time” most of us are familiar with, and Kairos. Kairos is not linear; it’s more about the relation of things. It’s timing. It’s the kind of time we’re operating with when the days fly by on vacation or go unbearably slow for a dull task. It’s the kind of time that allows for sudden breakthroughs and transformation. It’s the kind of time we’re living in when everything we know has been turned upside down by a pandemic. And it’s the kind of time in which real, deep, and profound change can happen.
However, often when things are working in Kairos time it seems as if nothing is happening. And it can seem like this for a while. But then suddenly one day – things are different. Maybe something you’ve been trying to learn finally clicks. Maybe the pain from an old heartbreak finally heals. Maybe a decision you’ve been baffled by for months finally becomes clear. Anything can happen in Kairos time.
So my offering to you is this – be patient and loving toward yourself during all of this. In Kairos time, all happens when and as it should. Mind your intentions, and welcome confusion when it comes. There is a wisdom to all of it.
May you stay safe and find beauty on your journey.
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